If you have clients who are intentionally exploited by their spouses; endure regular insults and rejection, alternating with affirmation; and feel manipulated into doing or saying something out of character, then they might be experiencing abuse. Abuse is not just physical. There are many other forms of abuse, such as sexual, financial, emotional, mental, and verbal.
While some of the other forms of abuse are obvious, mental abuse by a narcissist can be difficult to spot. It starts simply with a casual comment about anything: color of the wall, dishes in the sink, or the car needing maintenance. The remark is taken out of context by the narcissist to mean that their spouse disapproves of them in some way.
You can teach your clients to memorize these maneuvers, remain silent when they are being used, and end the conversation as soon as possible. This will keep them from being a victim of mental abuse. Note: This article is written about a narcissistic husband married to a woman but the reverse is also equally valid.False Allegations in a Domestic Violence Criminal Law Case - Seattle Washington
Christine is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor by the State of Florida with over fifteen years of experience in counseling, teaching and ministry. She works primarily with exhausted women and their families in conflict situations to ensure peaceful resolutions at home and in the workplace. She has blogs, articles, and newsletters designed to assist in meeting your needs. You can connect with her at her website Grow with Christine at www. Find help or get online counseling now.
Psych Central Professional. About the Blog. How did this happen? It startles and shocks the victim into compliance or silence. Gaslighting — Narcissistic mental abusers lie about the past, making their victim doubt her memory, perception, and sanity. They claim and give evidence of her past wrong behavior further causing doubt.
She might even begin to question what she said a minute ago. The Stare — This is an intense stare with no feeling behind it. It is designed to scare a victim into submission and is frequently mixed with the silent treatment. Silent Treatment — Narcissists punish by ignoring. This is to modify her behavior. They also have a history of cutting others out of their life permanently over small things.
Projection — They dump their issues onto their victim as if she were the one doing it. For instance, narcissistic mental abusers may accuse their spouse of lying when they have lied. Or they make her feel guilty when he is really guilty.
This creates confusion. Twisting — When narcissistic spouses are confronted, they will twist it around to blame their victims for their actions. They will not accept responsibility for their behavior and insist that their victim apologizes to them.
Manipulation — A favorite manipulation tactic is for the narcissist to make their spouse fear the worst, such as abandonment, infidelity, or rejection.
Victim Card — When all else fails, the narcissist resorts to playing the victim card. This is designed to gain sympathy and further control behavior.Research suggests that psychopathic personalities do climb the corporate ladder more readily and are able to charm and gain trust from other co-workers and management to do so. In fact, one study even showed that managers had three times the rate of psychopathy than the general population Lipman, It is about getting where they want in the company and having dominance over others.
These narcissistic and psychopathic personalities in the workplace undermine co-workers they deem threatening or more talented on their way to the top, however unethical their means. It is not so much their merit but their ability to covertly sabotage others and charm them which leads them to such coveted positions.
Martha Stout estimates that 1 in 25 Americans are sociopaths, which is an alarmingly large number considering that many workplaces reward narcissistic and sociopathic traits.
Depending on the structure of the organization where you are employed, going to Human Resources to report a workplace bully may not be an option. Some survivors may even find that it hurts, rather than helps them on the job.
Not all HR departments are prepared or have the means to address workplace bullying, especially if it is done covertly. Often they are more skilled, more technically proficient, have a higher EQ or people just like them better. They are often workplace veterans who mentor new hires. They do this in order to climb the corporate ladder, to one-up you, and to assuage their own sense of resentment towards you, especially if you happen to be more successful than them, have a better educational background or work history, or have talents outside of the workplace that distinguishes you.
They may use your assets and ride your coattails in the beginning with starry-eyed admiration, only to try to surpass you later. If you can, write down and document any incidents of harassment or bullying for future reference.
Even if you choose not to report their bullying behavior to HR, it is important to keep track of conversations and any attempts at sabotage should you need these records in the future. Your recent successes, family life, and even weekend adventures can easily evoke envy in a pathological person. Keep it brief and simple if you are asked about your personal life and focus on redirecting the conversation to professional matters.
Limit your contact with them and restrict your conversations only to business related matters.
This will allow you to control what information you give out, which can potentially be divulged to others in a way to depict you in a negative light. Instead, be vaguer in your responses and misrepresent what you truly care about. This is a sort of smear campaign they stage so that they can prevent you from getting ahead. The truth is, workplace narcissists are the ones who are less competent. They do this because they are threatened by you, and in order to ensure that people will doubt your skills and abilities.
Focus on representing your best self in all of your projects. Use anything your toxic co-worker has misrepresented or said about you as incentive to showcase all of your amazing talents and skills in the workplace. Keep calm and meditate often. Act as professionally as you possibly can under the circumstances. Keep a neutral tone and facial expression whenever possible.
Your actions and character will speak for you. If time and time again, you find yourself being targeted by a narcissistic co-worker with your superior or even HR unable to defend you or see your side, it may be time to move on. If you feel you cannot possibly leave your job at this moment, bide your time.To become effective humans, there are certain base line understandings we need to realise — IF we want the painful aspects of our life to change….
The fundamental Law that affects everything in our life without exception is Law of Attraction. There is no escaping this Law — because it is as absolute as gravity, and it is the unseen consciousness that unfolds every creation we experience. If you start the day in a frustrated mood, things go wrong in really frustrating way.
Increase Your Chances of Winning Against the Narcissist in Court in 7 Basic Steps
Law of Attraction sets up for you the rendezvous experiences of other frustrated people, delays, setbacks, misunderstandings and events that bring you more frustration. We are powerful in an emotional way — and by tending to our own vibration we become a match for what we want to experience in our life.
It is the understanding of this Law and our True Power which is the basis of all of my information all healing programs — and I am very passionate about helping bring you home to yourself. Because truly — for myself I realised the utter futility of trying to receive harmonious, pleasing and life-affirming changes in my life effect when I was still stuck in the agony of victimisation and intense anger, injustice and judgement cause. This is simply another trick of the ego — keeping us separated from our own true emotional transformation.
If you are presently feeling the hurt, injustice and the urge to make the narcissist accountable which is of course very normal — you will be able to access that feeling. Really take your awareness into you body and be with these feelings of hurt, injustice and wanting to make the narcissist accountable. Now be really aware of your body and energy. In this state of being you are completely disconnected from the literal miracles that are your birthright.
The belief that we are inherently unlovable and unworthy and that our love and worthiness has to be granted to us by someone or someone else.
This is the grandest illusion that the ego loves — because it is a never-ending hellish trip of pain and more pain. The ego is insatiable, it can never be appeased. Which means healing to the level that we CAN unconditionally love and accept ourselves. This means opening up into the space of realising Who We Really Are, and how powerful our Inner Being is as a harmonious and joyfully Creator with all of Life. This woman is crazy! That is not right — this person needs to be brought to justice!
In fact these forces which adore you beyond measure would NEVER short cut the system — because these forces want you to know what a powerful creator you REALLY are, and hope that finally, one day you will wake up from the trance and realise how the Life really operates.
Would you like to change that for yourself Grand Creator? Your ego tries to convince you this means losing control, not putting in enough effort, and even being irresponsible …. Consider this — how much EFFECTIVE energy do you have available to make any progress when your energy is tied up in the painful negative emotions of injustice, conditional requirements, retribution and fear?Jul The intolerable behavior is psychological warfare which is specifically designed to maintain contact beyond a restraining order and batter the victim legally.
It is extremely frustrating for a victim to be told to hire a lawyer and sue the batterer for intentional inflection of emotional distress. She just wants the batterer to go away and leave her alone.
Another disturbing aspect of this legal abuse is the narcissists outward success in luring professionals, attorneys, and even judicial officers into their elaborate schemes. The narcissist will go through several lawyers before settling on one naive or callous enough to assist him in his vendetta to punish his ex-partner for leaving him.
Although there are gender-biased attorneys who willingly assist or even actively recruit business from narcissistic people with vindictive schemes, the majority of attorneys who file an unwarranted custody action or help the batterer file a frivolous civil suit against their victims are duped by the same tactics that entice members of the public to assist.
Rule type Sanctions for Abuse of Process. The courts already have the power to punish those who misuse legal process. The power lies not in the hands of the frightened victims too emotionally and financially bankrupt to engage in lengthy civil litigation with a batterer which might escalate into more violence, but in the hands of the judges, prosecutors, and court personnel to sanction batterers for abusing legal process. Like good football coaches, judges need to accept the responsibility of refereeing the use of their own playing field.
Besides the visible, physical impact of wounds created by battering tactics employed by a narcissistic abuser, there are serious psychological repercussions as well. Reactions of shock, denial, withdrawl, confusion, psychological numbing, and fear are common. The long term effects of abuse include fear, anxiety, fatigue, sleeping and eating disturbances, intense startle reactions, and physical complaints. Perceptions of vulnerability, loss, betrayal and hopelessness are more severe for intimate violence victims than for victims of stranger assaults because of their relationship with the abuser.
Victims of intimate violence and stalking can exhibit symptoms consistent with Post-traumatic Stress Disorder. Posted on July 15,in Narcissism. Bookmark the permalink. Like Like. I have depression and anxiety and obvious anger and trust issues….
I ended up having major adverse reactions to the meds they gave me, had a seizure where I split my lip open and was in and out of the hospital for many months with true psychosis…I was hallucinating and it was intense and he knew I had a history of having bad reactions to psych meds…while I was in and out of the hospital.
I want to see him pay for his crimes…. Anita, I feel your pain. I am married to a malignant narcissist who I only recently figured out that is what he is. I moved from another country to be with this monster and gave up my house and a good job.
He turned on me shortly after I moved into his house. You know how the story goes. I am completely isolated as he turned his family against me. I have no friends, I am unemployed and he controls the money and everything else. These predators need to be locked up! They are criminals! The mental abuse is unforgivable.
It has taken me a few years to get to the point emotionally where I am not chasing my tail.A friend and I were having a conversation the other night and we hit on an interesting topic; the topic of revenge against the narcissist. We are both involved in a group that is trying to bring justice to a woman in our community who was both physically and narcissistically abused, and we asked ourselves and each other the question Do We Want Revenge Against the Narcissist?
My friend and I had both been heavily involved in the project of bringing justice to the true victim, the woman who was strangled, dragged and suffocated at the hands of this man. She was hugely traumatized and although he was arrested, he was released without sentence due to a loophole in the system. So we were working to right the system wrongs and see this man sentenced. We were surrendering the outcome to the Universe, knowing on some level, Karma is already bringing justice.
Whether or not this man ends up behind bars is no longer our concern. Of course we think he should be, because he is not able to see that he has done anything wrong and this would really be the greatest way, to hold him accountable. The conversation we were having turned to what we were fighting for and what we were fighting against.
When we are fighting against something, we are actually creating negative energy and resistance. In many ways we were fighting against the man who we believed should be behind bars.
We both realized our primary goal at this point is to see the woman who was victimized work through her trauma and get back on her feet, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Our primary goal is to see her thrive. We want to see her overcome. Because the damage has already been done. But putting our energy towards what we really want to see happen, is a positive and loving use of our energy. Of course, if you are in the thick of it, going through divorce or trying to extract yourself from a narcissistic relationship, you have to stand up for yourself and fight for yourself.
But we must look at it more as fighting for ourselves rather than against the narcissist. Working in the field of narcissistic abuse for nearly twenty years, I found that in many ways it felt I was fighting against narcissism. I was exposing it, bringing it to light, fighting for my clients and trying to help extract them from hopeless and damaging situations. But after nearly twenty years in the field, something is shifting for me.
I surrender! What does it mean to surrender? Well, for me it is to release the need to seek revenge and surrender the karma of those who do harm to others to a higher power.
We do what we can, within our own power and within our integrity. What we need to be mindful of is what is happening within our own heart. My friend and I both want to be at peace and have love in our hearts.
We did everything we could do on our end, now we wait for the government to makes it move. We have no control over what they decide. They fight to the bitter end and will do whatever it takes to get their way. They will cheat, lie, recruit others against you and so commonly take an oath in court and then turn around and break it immediately. Winning is their only objective.
When I hear these stories of what a narcissist gets away with, I get angry! I want to fight for my client. I want to see justice served. But it is out of my hands. I can only support those who are trying to get a fair deal in a divorce, or get custody of their children.
Sometimes my clients lose and the circumstances are so unfair.May 4. Your voice is actually more than that — It pierces the silent atmosphere that boundary violations, disrespect, marginalized treatment and abuse thrive in.
Kids have such a keen ability to see the obvious negative and subtle messages about people and their true character. Scapegoats pick up this dysfunctional family moniker for being truthful and outspoken about realities that those living in a dysfunctional cycle do NOT want to see.
How does it feel to be silenced? Overcoming scapegoat labels and the continual messages that your voice is caustic, is a terrible legacy. It sets you up as an adult to be the person who will be easily silenced when confronted with abuse.
Shouldn’t We Make The Narcissist Accountable?
Narcissists purposefully choose those who are vulnerable to keeping secrets and not sharing their voices. Narcissists will use any and all tactics available in their arsenal of abusive techniques to get you to stop speaking up:. Someone preventing you from speaking is in effect, shutting down your voice. No one can hear you when the narcissist is preventing you from speaking. Prevention can also include: Making fun of you in front of others so that you stop speaking, Isolating you entirely, and Legal abuse where a narcissist obtains gag orders or other injunctions against freely speaking.
What you have to say is of no importance to me or anyone, just be quiet. I have the power over you to silence you. You always start drama! Youre so selfish to bring this up! You always just want to tell lies to get attention!
These people are not just your normal, exit strategists. They go for the KILL. Sometimes, literally threatening the life of their former targets. Which shows the level of fear they have of exposure, the greater the threat, the more they feel they have to lose. Let me address it with brevity. Usually your own people first.
They know that by destabilizing your support system against you, that it will destabilize you to find yourself lacking the support you need to fight, when they launch their second blow: the public tribunal. You turn to your own supporters and find many of them switching ranks and joining forces with your abuser. The smear campaign wages battle against your character, destroying your reputation, your relationships, your finances, and ultimately your health.
At my 3rd year with the narcissist, I had a life threatening event that caused me to take my needs more seriously.The legal system becomes an unknowing and unwilling extension of the narcissistic arm reaching out to cause as much damage as possible. Christine is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor by the State of Florida with over fifteen years of experience in counseling, teaching and ministry.
How Narcissists Use the Courts to Continue Their Abuse
She works primarily with exhausted women and their families in conflict situations to ensure peaceful resolutions at home and in the workplace.
She has blogs, articles, and newsletters designed to assist in meeting your needs. You can connect with her at her website Grow with Christine at www. Find help or get online counseling now. Psych Central Professional. About the Blog.
Here are eight ways a narcissist uses the legal system to bully their opponent. Frivolous Lawsuits. Filing senseless lawsuits that have little merit for the point of forcing the opposing party to hire an attorney and incur unnecessary expenses. False Accusations. Narcissists will often beat their opponent to court by falsely projecting their issues onto the opponent. This false accusation forces the opponent to be on the defensive and causes the court system to frown when the opponent makes a similar charge against the narcissist.
Narcissists will incite and encourage their victims to act irrationally and then call the police on them. This event is then later used as a threat in another lawsuit or civil action. Gaming the System. This is using the laws designed to protect a person as a point of manipulation against them. Child custody laws are there for the best interest of the child and if the child misses the other parent, they should be allowed to speak with them. In order to delay the process, the narcissist will file senseless motions, excessive hearing, and multiple postponements.
This is again done to drain the financial resources of the opponent and create an atmosphere of the never-ending-lawsuit. For a narcissist, all attention is good so dragging things out longer only benefits their ego. Committing Perjury. Narcissists will lie about matters that are not material and are inconsequential to the case just to anger their opponent.
This is technically not perjury unless the lie is relevant to the outcome. This slight lie in the face of other statements further taints their whole testimony for the opponent and is intended by the narcissist to frustrate the process. Using Loopholes. Narcissists love to find loopholes in the law and use it their favor.
However, if their opponent were to utilize a loophole against them, the attacks would be ruthless.